My Journey Through Divorce Beyond the Physical Realm 108

Message of Love: Expect to become what you so wish to become and you will be guided along the way to your destiny.

~ Natural Beauty ~

As a very young girl, I have vivid, frightful memories of being physically lifted off the ground with the angry kick from my dad. A towering 6’4” man, his behavior would shift dramatically from one moment to the next. When I was in my 20’s, I had the pleasure of re-living and remembering this experience while visiting my father and his new family, including his young toddler daughter. At the dinner table, he would carry on in a silly fashion with this lovely, spirited little girl. She loved it and ate it up until he switched over to being serious and expected her to follow suit, pronto. Well, of course at her age she could not and next what I witnessed felt very similar to what I experienced as a child.

What followed was an ugly, angry outburst. The insults, threats, and assaults that came out of his mouth felt like sharp, piercing daggers which were thrown at his own baby. And his wife said and did nothing protective for her daughter, probably much like my own acted when it occurred to me and my siblings. As her laughter and fun ended, she cried broken heartedly. How could she understand what she had done and why this was happening to her?

~ Divine ~

While witnessing the same scene that I had experienced throughout my childhood, I found myself unable to say anything. I felt like I was the small child who was being yelled at so violently. So I sat in silence, feeling ashamed and guilty, and more than anything else, wanting to get the heck out of there.

Today I realize that this interaction with my father, more than anything else in my lifetime, has shaped not only my people pleasing behavior, but also my deep seated and false belief that I am a victim. This mentality underlies my choices within my relationships. The role of victim has been played by me in many lifetimes and is the sea of darkness inside of me which is producing repetitive cycles of self-inflicted hurt and pain.

I see it.

It is no longer a secret.

And I vow to unleash my inner dragon to conquer this darkness so that I may become the enlightened, multi-dimensional being that I so desire to Be.

With Courage Facing the Unknown, Beth

“You don’t have to worry about what their vibration is if your vibration is one of connection. Because if your vibration is one of connection — you’re going to dominate the vibration. This is the way you learn your relationships. The thing that most people do not understand, is that you get to control the way you feel, because you get to choose the thoughts you think. Most people think that they only have the option of responding to the circumstances that surround them. And that’s what makes them attempt the impossible, which is to control the circumstances around them, which only feeds their feeling of frustration and vulnerability because it doesn’t take very much life experience to discover you can’t control all of those circumstances. But you can control your vibration. And when you control your vibration, you’ve controlled everything that has anything to do with you.”

— Abraham

My Journey Through Divorce Beyond the Spiritual Realm 104

Divinity:  The appreciation of anything draws more of it into your divine life experience.

~ Gardener's Delight ~

Arnulfo took wonderful care of our yard.  He mowed, edged, pruned and transplanted almost every week out of the year.  I was very sad when I learned that he would no longer be maintaining our small and lovely garden.  This was something my soon to be ex-husband did not feel was important to continue.  Unfortunately, a while back I read one of his malevolent emails which explained exactly why he canceled lawn service and his opinion of what I should do about it.  Once again, I was feeling like the work horse and had no one to be annoyed with except myself because I did not check with my intuition before opening his message.

So for a while I resigned myself to having no lawn care, but then I realized how bad I felt when I took Coco out to the yard and saw the unkept garden.  At this point, I asked to have my lawn maintained for me and it magically happened!  The woman whose back yard ends in my back yard has 2 cute little Pugs and we have recently become fast friends.  She is single, retired and lots of fun to hang out with…  not to mention that she is an ex-policewoman so my root chakra issues of feeling safe are well balanced when we are together.   And one day when my grass was at least 8″ tall, she came over and mowed it for me!  Talk about a blessing.

~ Miracles Do Happen ~

Then something happened.  I began to remember.  I had forgotten about the complete joy that I felt in the past when I was gardening.  Within the past week, another layer of the onion, a layer of darkness which dampened my inner light was lifted from around me.  I was no longer afraid of not being good enough, of being the yard horse, the one who is paid to do her job.  My feelings shifted to excitement and enthusiasm about my blank canvas of a yard.

Within a few hours, I researched and bought an electric mower and mapped out my yard plans for the weekend.  And on Saturday morning, there was no rain and the sun came out from behind big, fluffy, white clouds.  The yard felt challenging, soggy and uneven at times, and I remained in a state of focus and confidence throughout my first mowing.  As I went back and forth cutting the grass, I looked up at the back side of my home and felt such a wave of appreciation flow through me that I knew in my heart that I was home and divinely connected to spirit.

~ Beauty ~

After completing the lawn, I began weeding last year’s flower pots, then raking the gravel path, then moving to the front yard to rake and weed…  I lost complete track of time and continued in this fashion until my body chirped up and said it was time to go make some lunch.  I have no recollection of thoughts during my time gardening, except the flow of gratitude and connection to Gaia.  And my body completely regained energy after giving it nutrition.  It was a very meditative experience, and one I will continue to appreciate and enjoy.

Thanks, Mother Earth, for Our Reconnection ~

Eternal Love, Beth

“There is no risk for you. When you come to understand the true nature of Well-being in which you have come forth–then you can relax and begin to enjoy this magnificent adventure which is your creative life experience. We are not here to guide the specifics of that which you choose. You get to choose that, and you can’t get it wrong. We are here to assist you–only to assist you–in finding vibrational harmony with your desire; knowing that when you find vibrational harmony with your desire, you are, in this moment, a joyful Being. And that is our dominant wish for you.”

— Abraham